“I pray that I may learn it is not my function to direct or control another person, however close to me. I will also cease to be a crutch. I can live nobody’s life but my own.” One Day At A Time in Alanon
A couple of weeks ago I had one of “those” days. We all have them. A day when we get knocked down, and then somebody comes along to kick us in the gut before we get up. A day when I had to gather all of my strength and hand things over to the Lord. It began with my husband telling me in the morning that he had lost his full-time job due to a company sell-out, and would be working only part-time, cutting our income in half. It ended with my son calling to tell me he had lost his job because he had gone over his “points” in his employer’s point system for absences and tardies. He was distraught and in tears, and my heart ached for him. He had missed a few days that I know of because of court dates and doctor’s appointments, and he says that’s what put him over. He has a court date next week and I’m very concerned that, if he doesn’t have another job by then it will not go well for him. He knows this as well as I do, so I’ve decided to bite my tongue and not remind him of that when we talk. However, he hasn’t returned my phone calls for the past week, so I’m not sure when we will talk again. Of course, the fact that he lost his job, and isn’t returning my phone calls are red flags for me, and I’m fighting off the familiar anxiety that goes along with these changes. I read the quote I opened with in my book of daily Alanon readings, and I’m seeing the great wisdom in those words. I am completely powerless over my son’s actions, I’m in the process of accepting that, although there is still a tiny part of me that doesn’t want to let go. It's just so stinking hard to completely let go. I've lived my entire life being a "fixer," and I can't fix this. I am working very hard on remaining calm and trusting in the knowledge that the Lord loves my son and is trying to help him, and that He loves me too, and will provide no matter what the future holds. He always has.
I found this prayer at just the right time, and I wanted to share:
“Dear Lord, even though this situation feels out of control, You remain in control. I can't help how others act, but I can choose to remain calm. Because You are God. You are MY God. And You are powerful, peaceful, and good, all the time. In Jesus' Name, amen.” Prayer from Proverbs 31 Ministries