The past month has been a whirlwind of emotions. I’ve had ups, and I’ve had downs, and everything in between. I am finding though, that the ups are starting to happen more often. That’s progress. I’m slowly coming to a place of surrender and acceptance. Sometimes though, just when I think I’m there, I backslide and find myself down in the pit again, but that’s all part of the process. I’m learning to give myself permission to have whatever feelings I’m having at the time as long as I don’t get stuck in one spot for too long. I’m learning that it’s ok to find joy in my life even though my son is in the midst of one of the biggest, and most painful experiences of his life. Wallowing in sorrow will do neither of us any good. I’m learning to plaster a smile on my face and stay upbeat, positive, and cheerful when I visit him in jail, even though my heart is breaking. He needs that.
The Lord is working in my son’s life and in my life. Jesus promised He would take what is meant for our harm, and make it work for our good, and He is staying true to His promise. My son, of course, still has dark, crushing days, when it’s hard for him to hold onto his faith. But in the midst of it all his faith is strengthening and he is maturing. So, I hold onto my faith and hope, and I keep on keepin’ on, and trying my best to take one day at a time.
I found this prayer on the Proverbs 31 Ministry site, and I wanted to share. I use it when I’m having one of those sleepless nights. It is in the darkness that I have the hardest time stilling my anxious thoughts.
I'm wide awake tonight, facing fear yet again.
A thousand different ones taunt me. The "What If's" are overwhelming. My heart is racing and anxiety is coursing through my veins. It's hard to stay still, yet I know it's in the quiet that You speak and I hear.
Help me please. Calm my heart, mind, emotions and nerves God. Grant me shelter under Your safe haven. In Jesus' Name, amen.
"Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders." ~Deut. 33:12