Wednesday, March 4, 2015


I like this acronym for HOPE and thought I’d share.

E-ends (or becomes manageable)

When you love an active addict, or are living with the ongoing consequences left in the wake of addiction, the pain doesn’t exactly end, at least it hasn’t for me, but it has become manageable.  It has been a process, and there have been many times when I have had to force myself to get out of bed, and I have cried an ocean of tears. There was even a period of time when I thought it would be okay if I just died. The pain was just too much. But with God’s help I am making it through my son’s prison term one day at a time. And so is he.  The first time I visited him “behind the walls” I felt as if I had been punched in the gut, but the visits become easier as time goes by. 

It’s really almost surreal when I visit him.  There are families there playing board games, laughing, and eating terrible vending machine food as if it were just another family get together.  And as I look around I realize that each inmate, each loved one, has a story just as painful as ours- maybe more so. Some of the guards are very nice, and some are arrogant and treat even the visitors as if they have committed some crime.  I have to mentally “prime” myself each time I go visit because I know my son doesn’t need me to be stressed out and sad when I visit. So, I put on my game face, arm myself with a positive attitude, and I treasure each moment I have with him.  The positive I find in this whole mess is that he's clean, and when I talk to him it is my son, not the addiction I’m talking with.  No, he will never be the same and neither will I, but both of us are hanging onto our faith and as long as we both continue believing, we will make it through.


  1. I have always felt that in all things there is good. Sometimes circumstances test us but when we can see the good we all grow.

    1. I completely agree. If we look hard enough, there is good to be found, and lessons to be learned in even the most painful of circumstances.

  2. I started to find my peace when I realized that recovery probably wasn't going to look the way I thought it would and that God's plan was so much better than anything I could have ever hoped for...even when that meant my son would be spending time behind bars.

    I'm so happy to see your post this morning.

    1. Thanks, Summer. I, too, have come to accept that my son's recovery just isn't going to happen according to my plans. I've also come to realize that the good Lord knows what He is doing, and He loves each one of us more than we can comprehend. I know His heart broke right along with mine as he watched my son self-destruct, but He gave us free will and He doesn't break His promises. I may not always understand why things happen the way they do, but I don't have to. He sees the big picture, and I see only my own little corner of the world.