Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Collateral damage

We went to visit my son at the halfway house Saturday.  It’s a long drive that takes up most of the day, but at least it’s within driving distance.  My oldest daughter was visiting and hadn’t seen her brother since before his arrest.  I read on another blog that the addicts don't intentionally cause pain to the people who love them, rather we are "collateral damage."  That makes sense to me.  My oldest daughter was part of the collateral damage.  She was visiting on that awful day in May when I found out he was using again and that it was out of control.  She held me as I cried.  It was a strange role reversal as she wiped my tears away and tried to comfort me like I used to comfort her when she was a child. She sat with me and pleaded with me as I told my son that he would either need to accept my offer for rehab, or leave our home.   She was sad, scared, and angry with her brother for the pain that his addiction was causing.  

So, when I asked her to go with me to visit him, she was nervous about it and didn’t know what to expect.  I’m so glad she was able to go.  He apologized to her for his behavior, and they made their amends.  It was very healing for both of them.  We had such a good visit and she was able to see, first hand, the change in her brother.  The miraculous change.  Not only does he look healthy again physically, but he’s in such a better place mentally.  One of the first things she noticed was his smile.  He has the most beautiful smile, and it had disappeared for a very long time, along with any kind of joy in his life.

            On another note, the girl he was arrested with is now in the rehab facility he just left, so she is in the same town as my son.  That presents a whole new set of possible worries. If she isn't committed to staying clean, he doesn't stand a chance.   It is what it is though.  That is one of the things I am powerless over.  I have to turn it over to God several times every day, and I have to trust. 

            For now, I’m just grateful for my son’s sobriety, for his rediscovered faith………and for his smile.


  1. Oh man, that leaves a lump in my throat. Your daughter sounds like a very compassionate and courageous young woman. I'm so happy that you all had a nice visit. I think these are the moments that begin to really chip away at all the hurt.

    1. Thanks, Summer. Both of my daughters have hearts of gold, and so does my son, his was just buried under the addiction for awhile. I believe the Lord blessed me with each of them for a reason. I have learned much from them as we have traveled this journey together.