Two Boxes

I picked up my son’s belongings today, and was overwhelmed with sadness when I saw that everything he owns fits into two boxes. He turns 30 this year, and all of his belongings fit into TWO BOXES.  I just can’t take it in. Those two boxes that sit in my shed represent the terrible toll that addiction takes on people’s lives.  It is insidious and merciless.

I still haven’t talked to him because I can’t call and request to talk to him at the jail, so I have to wait for him to call me. The fact that he hasn’t called me speaks volumes about his emotional state right now.  I spoke with a pastor who has visited him, and he told me that my son is an emotional wreck.  Now that he is no longer high, he is realizing the huge mistake he made, and is embarrassed and in despair.  He is looking at a possibility of 20 years in prison. As he was growing up, a hug and a Band-Aid would fix almost anything, but nothing can fix this. I’m heartbroken about his relapse, and I want nothing more than to hug him and take his pain away. I plan to go visit him on Monday, but  the most I’ll be able to do when I see him is look at him through glass as I talk to him on the phone. It is a helpless feeling.  

Even as I struggle with my weakness, my faith will not be shaken.  The Lord will help my son and I get through this.   Evil may have won this round, but it will not win the war.

Relapse and arrest

When our kids are in recovery, we hope, and we pray that it will be lasting, that this will be the one that “sticks,” and that we will never again have to live the nightmare of loving an active addict.  I so believed that my son was going to make it, and that he had found the strength to stay clean for good.  But this was not to be.  He was arrested again earlier this week which is how I found out he had been using again.  It was pretty easy for him to hide it from me since he is living almost 200 miles away. Recently though, I had felt that awful feeling in my gut that something wasn’t right.  I just didn’t want to believe it.  For almost a year he had done so well, and had come so far.  I’m crushed, and still reeling from it all.  I guess the first couple of days after I found out, I was numb and in shock.  Now, the reality is starting to sink in, and I hate it.

There is no way he will avoid prison now.  I don’t know yet for how long, but it will be several years.  He was never violent, didn’t deal, and wasn’t out robbing convenience stores for drug money, but our state shows no mercy for meth addicts. Convicted murderers sometimes get less prison time than meth addicts.

As I try to come to a state of acceptance and surrender to what has happened, I am trying to find things to be grateful for.  When I can manage to do that in the midst of life’s challenges, it helps me get through.  I will always be grateful for the months that he was clean and I had my son back.  I will cherish those months for the rest of my life.

I found this prayer today on the Proverbs 31 Ministry Facebook page.  It was exactly what I needed to see.

“Lord, I am so sad. My heart is broken. But I praise Your name!!! You are God and You are in control. I thank You for never failing to give us our daily bread. You never break Your promises. Thank you for giving me peace in a midst of trouble. I love you, LORD. I place my hope in You. {Lord, be my satisfaction.} In Jesus' Name, Amen.”

My Mother's Day Wish for MOAs

On Mother’s Day my sincere prayer for all of the mothers of addicts out there is that, today and every day, you find peace, strength, and comfort.  May we rest assured that the good Lord who loves us and our addicted or recovering children more than we can even understand, is there for us every step of the way, and that we need never travel this road alone.

I remember last Mother’s Day as if it were yesterday.  My son came by in the morning disheveled, and probably high.  He wished me a happy Mother’s Day and promised to be back later to eat at the family get together I had planned.  He didn’t come back.  His chair sat empty, and even though similar scenarios had happened many times over the years, my heart still hurt, still wanted to believe he would show up.  Addiction is a cruel master.  This year he is in recovery, but still faces the consequences of his actions while addicted.  His hearing is next week, and I have to face my complete powerlessness over the outcome.  He faces a possible 7-12 year sentence. So, I pray, and I work on surrendering and handing my son completely over to the Lord.  It’s hard, and I know that no matter how hard I fight it, I will wrestle with my fears, and I will have sleepless nights.  The only thing that gets me through is knowing that Jesus walks with me, and He walks with my son.  Whatever the court’s decision is, He will give us strength to make it through.  One day at a time.

Stop Urban Outfitters

The is on the www.drugfree.org website.  Let Urban Outfitters know what you think of these unacceptable products.  I just found out about this, and at this point can find no words strong enough to express my outrage about these unacceptable products.  When I can get my thoughts put together though, I intend to send the company CEO an email, and if enough of us follow through with this, they will surely listen.

Stop Urban Outfitters From Selling Products that Promote Prescription Drug Abuse

By Candice Besson | May 1, 2013 | 8 Comments | Filed in Our Blog

Urban Outfitters, the national retail store popular with teens, is currently selling pint glasses, flasks and shot glasses made to look like prescription pill bottles. These products make light of prescription drug misuse and abuse, a dangerous behavior that is responsible for more deaths in the United States each year than heroin and cocaine combined. Medicine abuse has increased 33 percent over the past five years with one in four teens having misused or abused a prescription drug in their lifetime. Combined with alcohol, the misuse and abuse of prescription medications can be especially dangerous, making the Urban Outfitter Rx pint and shot glasses and flasks even more disturbing.

As recent research from The Partnership at Drugfree.org shows, teens and parents alike do not understand the health risks associated with the misuse and abuse of prescription drugs. In fact, more than a quarter of teens mistakenly believe that misusing and abusing prescription drugs is safer than using street drugs.

Tongue-in-cheek products that normalize and promote prescription drug abuse only serve to reinforce the misperception about the dangers associated with abusing medicine and put more teens at risk.

Ask Urban Outfitters to remove these products from their stores and website immediately. Feel free to use the information above to help make your point.

CONTACT INFORMATION FOR Urban Outfitters:

Send an e-mail to:

Richard A. Hayne; CEO & Chairman
richard.hayne@urbanout.com

Write a letter:

Urban Outfitters, Inc.
5000 South Broad St
Philadelphia, PA 19112-1495

Sign this Facebook Causes petition:

http://www.causes.com/actions/1749784-stop-urban-outfitters-from-selling-products-that-promote-prescription-drug-abuse