Friday, May 17, 2013

Relapse and arrest

When our kids are in recovery, we hope, and we pray that it will be lasting, that this will be the one that “sticks,” and that we will never again have to live the nightmare of loving an active addict.  I so believed that my son was going to make it, and that he had found the strength to stay clean for good.  But this was not to be.  He was arrested again earlier this week which is how I found out he had been using again.  It was pretty easy for him to hide it from me since he is living almost 200 miles away. Recently though, I had felt that awful feeling in my gut that something wasn’t right.  I just didn’t want to believe it.  For almost a year he had done so well, and had come so far.  I’m crushed, and still reeling from it all.  I guess the first couple of days after I found out, I was numb and in shock.  Now, the reality is starting to sink in, and I hate it.

There is no way he will avoid prison now.  I don’t know yet for how long, but it will be several years.  He was never violent, didn’t deal, and wasn’t out robbing convenience stores for drug money, but our state shows no mercy for meth addicts. Convicted murderers sometimes get less prison time than meth addicts.

As I try to come to a state of acceptance and surrender to what has happened, I am trying to find things to be grateful for.  When I can manage to do that in the midst of life’s challenges, it helps me get through.  I will always be grateful for the months that he was clean and I had my son back.  I will cherish those months for the rest of my life.

I found this prayer today on the Proverbs 31 Ministry Facebook page.  It was exactly what I needed to see.

“Lord, I am so sad. My heart is broken. But I praise Your name!!! You are God and You are in control. I thank You for never failing to give us our daily bread. You never break Your promises. Thank you for giving me peace in a midst of trouble. I love you, LORD. I place my hope in You. {Lord, be my satisfaction.} In Jesus' Name, Amen.”


  1. I am just so sorry to hear this.

    I'll never understand the justice system. I could go on about that forever.

    I'm praying for both of you. I loved the prayer from Proverbs 31, I'll be saving that one.

  2. My heart just sank for you and your son as I read this. I am so terribly sorry! If you want to talk, my email is listed on my profile page. I'll be thinking of you and your family and sending up prayers for you all.

    Hugs to you,


    1. Thank you, Summer, for your prayers, for your thoughts, for your caring. I know you're fighting your own battles too, and you are in my daily prayers.

  3. I am so sorry. Relapse is the biggest fear for every parent of an addict. Bigger than death, I think, because we know it will lead, eventually, to that. I know there is no bright spot here, but maybe him going away for a while is the one thing that will get him clean for good. Maybe it's the path he just has to take to get to where he needs to be.

    Like Summer said, we are all hear for you and thinking and praying for you. May God be with you.

    1. Thank you for your prayers. You're right that, in a way, the fear of relapse is bigger than the fear of death. To watch your child succumb to addiction again is to watch him/her suffer a slow, tortured path that will cost them everything that they hold most dear. It is just the worst......the worst. I have to believe that the Lord will make good come of this, somehow. It gives me such comfort to know that He loves my son even more than I do, and weeps for both of us. I pray for all addicts and the people who love them.