I
picked up my son’s belongings today, and was overwhelmed with sadness when I
saw that everything he owns fits into two boxes. He turns 30 this year, and all
of his belongings fit into TWO BOXES. I
just can’t take it in. Those two boxes that sit in my shed represent the
terrible toll that addiction takes on people’s lives. It is insidious and merciless.
I
still haven’t talked to him because I can’t call and request to talk to him at
the jail, so I have to wait for him to call me. The fact that he hasn’t called
me speaks volumes about his emotional state right now. I spoke with a pastor who has visited him, and
he told me that my son is an emotional wreck.
Now that he is no longer high, he is realizing the huge mistake he made,
and is embarrassed and in despair. He is looking at a possibility of 20 years in prison. As he
was growing up, a hug and a Band-Aid would fix almost anything, but nothing can
fix this. I’m heartbroken about his relapse, and I want nothing more than to
hug him and take his pain away. I plan to go visit him on Monday, but the most I’ll be able to do when I see him is
look at him through glass as I talk to him on the phone. It is a helpless
feeling.
Even as I struggle with my weakness, my faith will not be shaken. The Lord will help my son and I get through this. Evil may have won this round, but it will not win the war.
I wish they could understand what they are doing before it has to take them to such despair. It's so painful to watch and I know as they begin to "wake Up" it's just as painful for them. I am believing that God still has big plans for your son and as frightening as this is for both of you, God won't fail him because He can't fail him. All knowing,all powerful and almighty! God knew this would happen and he's got your son, still!
ReplyDeleteYou are very much in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you, Summer. It is comforting to know that you and other POAs understand, like nobody else can, the heartbreak caused from loving an active addict. I do believe that the Lord will take what was meant for our harm, and turn it into good. I also believe that he is driving my son and I to a place of total surrender and trust in Him. It's just so hard getting there.
DeleteI continue to pray for you and your son.
Blessings to you.
I am sorry for your pain. He might be safer in jail then on the street. You need to find a way to go on with your life. That is what I have tried to do. Most of the time I can do it. As they say in alanon..... pain is inevitable but misery is a choice. I hope I do not sound harsh. I walk this path with you and just do not want you to miss any more of your own life.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Anna. I know I must go on with my life. I still have many good people in my life, my husband, my two daughters, and my mom. I will come through this on the other side, and so will my son, but I feel that I am going through the grieving process with him once again. I must lay to rest and grieve the life I had hoped he would have, and trust that the Lord has something even better planned for him. When I reach a state of total surrender, then I will find my peace again. I keep giving my son to the Lord, and then taking him back. I have to stop doing that now.
DeleteYour faith is such an inspiration to me I am believing with you this war is not over!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Erin. It is only through the Lord's grace, and my faith that I will make it through this. Many blessings to you.
DeleteI'm sorry you're going through this. I hope your visit went OK. You can let him know you love him and support him in his recovery and the rest is up to him. Be at peace knowing you've done all you can. Hopefully he'll find some unexpected blessings where he is and make the best of it. Never lose hope!
ReplyDelete