Thursday, May 30, 2013

Visiting my son in jail.

I went to visit my son at the county jail on Monday.  I was anxious on the 3 hour drive there.  Anxious that he would be sullen, angry, or depressed-or even worse that he had turned his back on God.  I prayed and listened to K-Love Christian radio as I drove, and it helped.  Many of my fears were relieved when I saw my son.  Although it’s painful to see him in that orange jumpsuit again, he looked better and was in better spirits than I had anticipated.  He was not angry or bitter, or blaming anyone other than himself for his relapse and arrest.  Of course he is anxious and worried about the possibility of spending so many years in prison, but he is holding onto his faith.  The first words he spoke to me were “I’m sorry.”  He spoke of how he knows the Lord has forgiven him, but he is having a hard time forgiving himself.  It was so hard to sit there and watch him suffer, and be unable to hug him.  I pray that he will come to a place of self-forgiveness so that he may find some peace.  I had taken a copy of the Recovery Bible to give him but was told I couldn’t give him anything at all, that it would have to be mailed from a third-party, like Amazon.  Frustrating, but then I have to remind myself that it’s jail, and there will be many rules and regulations that we will both have to accept. 

In other news, his wife, who was arrested with him a year ago, had her hearing last week.  She was given 5 years probation, but with the stipulation that she have no contact with my son.  That is one of the reasons I was so worried about my son’s state of mind.  I was afraid it would take away his last ounce of hope.  I am learning that hope is so very important right now. She was able to speak with her probation officer though, who told her that if she is doing well in 3-6 months they might be able to get the no-contact stipulation amended.  I pray that will happen, as I have come to believe that she truly does love my son. 

There are so many things I am powerless over right now.  So, I continue to work on acceptance and surrender.  I know that the Lord is in charge and that He loves my son and walks with him through this dark valley.


  1. I'm so glad your visit was better than you thought. My heart goes out to you. Reading this reminds me of when I would talk to my daughter on the phone while she was in jail. She was a roller coaster of emotions - every time I talked to her I didn't know what to expect. But it seemed that the longer she was off drugs, the clearer minded and calm she became. I hope that's how it will be for your son. He'll have very low times of depression, but he'll come out of it. Keep praying and being encouraging and keep yourself encouraged. It will be ok.

    1. Thank you for your encouragement. I'm sure you're right that there will be lots of mixed emotions as we travel this road, not only for my son, but for me too. I noticed too, when my son was off of drugs for several months, that his thoughts became so much clearer and he began to talk about emotions and feelings that he hadn't had for a very long time. As the fog clears now, and the drugs leave his system, I hope that the same thing will happen. I'm sure parts of his journey will be painful as he has to learn to deal with life without the help of drugs. Learn he must, though. I know that the Lord will find a way to make good come of this, and I know that as long as my son holds onto his faith he will make it through stronger and wiser.

  2. It's always tough to look back on these things: how it started, and the time in our lives that are cut short, leading to harrowing months and years. The least you can hope for is a silver lining; the most you could is that your kid finds a way to be spared the rest of his detention. Anyway, I hope that he can find a way to forgive himself, and to reshape his life for the better. Stay strong!

    Eliseo Weinstein @ JRs Bail Bond

  3. My son is going through hell in Graterford.
    He is in quarantine and very afraid and scared.
    I cannot understand how they can put nonviolent drug offenders in with the hardened criminals. My heart is saddened and worried for his safety. The letters that he send me offer me no peace.
    He is being treated like an animal. County is like a country club compaired

  4. My daughter is in jail right now. This is the first time she has really been in trouble. I don't think the prior tickets count. She got caught shoplifting. She had a job and has been paying a lawyer. They told her she could not go to that store for a year. She went to that store and they arrested her for trespassing. She has been doing herion. She had a ton of tickets before, but nothing like this. We live in the big city. There was no reason to go in that store. At least this is what she said when she called and said she would be gone a few days. She could be lying and it could be something else. I am glad she is in jail. She had put us all through hell. She bitches, complains, blames everything on us. I have refused to give her any money fo Rd years and years. She ends up on my doorstep. I make her pay for her own stuff. I just can't do it anymore. The constantly to what a bad person she thinks I am for not helping her or making her pay. She makes good money. She is an adult. She should pay and help out if she can without anyone making her. I am not even calling the jail, have no idea where she is or what will happen. I personally hope the judge keeps her there a few months. Maybe, she will realize how lucky she was. I know enjoy the peace. I hate that she is there but it is stupid and it is her choice. Don't steal, if cops tell you not to go somewhere, don't. There are at least 100 other stores in the same two blocks. I can not deal with it anymore. It is the stupidest thing ever.