Thursday, June 20, 2013

Update on the hearing

“When you come to the edge of all the light you have, and must take a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will happen.  Either there will be something solid for you to stand on-or you will be taught how to fly.”  Patrick Overton

So, here I am- standing “in the darkness of the unknown.”  For somebody who used to think she had some kind of control over anything or anybody outside of herself (that would be me) the unknown is a frightening place to be.  I take comfort in knowing that my son and I don’t stand there alone.  The Lord is right there with us, and He will either give us something to stand on, or teach us to fly. 

My trip to my son’s “hearing” was pretty anti-climactic.  My son’s attorney decided it would be best for him to waive his right to a preliminary hearing.  I’m not an attorney, but after listening to his reasoning behind this decision, it made sense to me.  His arraignment is scheduled for next week.  That is when he will enter his plea.  The sentencing hearing will be 1-2 months after he enters his plea. Here is where I really have to trust the Lord’s will.  The court appearance was a cold reminder of the serious trouble my son is in, so I really had to work hard at turning it over to the Lord as I left the courtroom.  I didn’t get to talk to my son at all, and it’s so hard to see him in those awful orange coveralls.  We communicate through email and he is fighting hard against fear right now.  He’s hanging onto his faith, but he’s scared of the unknown.  I’m sure every POA out there can relate to how hard it is to stand by helplessly when somebody we love is afraid.  I have to accept my powerlessness over that right now.

As I sat in the courtroom, there was a group of law students observing the proceedings for the day.  In between hearings, they sat and giggled and visited like college students do.  There I sat, waiting anxiously for my son’s appearance and they, of course, were just being kids. This was just another court case to them….no big deal. The contrast between their lives, and my son’s life right now, did not escape me.  I had to fight off feelings of sadness that my son isn’t enjoying his young life, and remind myself that sometimes we have to go through great pain to get to where the Lord needs us to be.  Acceptance.  Fighting against the reality of his situation right now is futile.  I can’t be positive and encouraging to my son if I let negative thoughts and regrets take over my thinking.  So, I allowed myself to feel the sadness, and I prayed.  On the long drive home, as I prayed, I found the peace that could only come from the Lord.  He’s teaching me how to fly.




5 comments:

  1. Oh mercy, that would hurt my heart too...seeing those college kids laughing, feeling carefree but also working toward their future goals. It's heartbreaking to think of all our kids have lost because of drugs. I wish it wasn't so but I was thinking as I read your post that your son is now working on his future too. It may look different and, certainly, isn't how you (or he) envisioned it but he is moving forward with his life. This process is what is keeping him off drugs and even though it's not ideal, it could very well be the thing that changes his life, turns him around and gives him a reason to become all the wonderful things that God has in store for him.

    Thinking of and praying for you both,

    Summer

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    1. Thank you, Summer. I've comforted myself many times with the thought that, even though it's not the way I planned it, this is the Lord's way of saving my son's life. I don't know what would have happened if my son had continued on the path he was on, but I do know it would have been nothing but suffering for him and those of us who love him. God is in control, and He is the final judge. My son may be behind bars, but no prison bars can keep out the Lord's love. He is working in my son's life, and will not stop until His job is done.

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  2. I felt like that too, when my daughter was in jail. She would call me, so scared and alone. And I just felt helpless. It was just damn hard. But...it is what finally got to her and made her realize what was in store for her if she kept going down the path she was going. So in the end, I'd have to say it was the best thing that happened to her. Your son has many happy times coming. I'll pray for you both too.

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  3. What a powerful post! I really feel inspired by how you were able to turn to the Lord when the students were laughing and giggling rather than turning to anger. That is really difficult to do at times like those, but you did really well. I hope and pray for the very best for you and your son!

    Eliseo Weinstein @ JR's Bail Bonds

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