I went to visit my son at rehab Sunday. It was good to see him and he looked better than he has in a very long time. He’s put on some weight and his skin isn’t that sickly gray color any more. He told me he’s learning a lot about addiction and how insidious it is, so at least I know he’s listening to what they have to say. His counselor feels like my son suffers from anxiety and depression (they both run in our family) so he started him on a couple prescriptions.
He’s starting to look and sound like my son again, instead of that person who was walking around in my son’s body but acting like somebody I didn’t know. I know it’s too soon to expect that he’s been “cured,” but it’s so good just to have my son back. I’ve missed him so much. He’s starting to realize how he has hurt the people who love him and is trying to make amends and be accountable for his actions. That, in itself, is huge progress. I’m glad he’s apologizing to us, because I think doing so will help free him from some of the guilt he lives with. I know some people don’t think addicts are capable of feeling guilt, but I think they do, it’s just buried underneath the addiction. I think often the guilt and shame they feel over their actions is part of the reason they use. It’s a vicious cycle. They know they’re messing up and hurting people, so they use to numb the pain. The more they use, the more that pain festers inside.
His treatment will probably only last 28 days. This place has a reintegration program where the guys can get a job while continuing to live in the facility for another 60 days. Since my son has a court date in September though and will probably be sentenced to some prison time, I don’t think he’ll be eligible for the longer stay. Twenty-eight days doesn’t seem like much when I think of the enormity of the addiction, but it is what it is. I have to look at this as an opportunity for him to at least learn some tools to fight the temptations that he will inevitably face. If there ever was a time for me to trust God, this would be it. One day at a time.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding."
~ Proverbs 3:5