I went to visit my son at rehab Sunday. It was good to see him and he looked better
than he has in a very long time. He’s
put on some weight and his skin isn’t that sickly gray color any more. He told me he’s learning a lot about
addiction and how insidious it is, so at least I know he’s listening to what
they have to say. His counselor feels like my son suffers from anxiety and depression (they both run in our family) so he started
him on a couple prescriptions.
He’s starting to look and sound like my son
again, instead of that person who was walking around in my son’s body but
acting like somebody I didn’t know. I
know it’s too soon to expect that he’s been “cured,” but it’s so good just to
have my son back. I’ve missed him so
much. He’s starting to realize how he
has hurt the people who love him and is trying to make amends and be
accountable for his actions. That, in itself, is huge progress. I’m glad he’s apologizing to us, because I
think doing so will help free him from some of the guilt he lives with. I know some people don’t think addicts are
capable of feeling guilt, but I think they do, it’s just buried underneath the
addiction. I think often the guilt and
shame they feel over their actions is part of the reason they use. It’s a vicious cycle. They know they’re
messing up and hurting people, so they use to numb the pain. The more they use, the more that pain festers
inside.
His
treatment will probably only last 28 days.
This place has a reintegration program where the guys can get a job
while continuing to live in the facility for another 60 days. Since my son has a court date in September though
and will probably be sentenced to some prison time, I don’t think he’ll be
eligible for the longer stay. Twenty-eight
days doesn’t seem like much when I think of the enormity of the addiction, but
it is what it is. I have to look at this
as an opportunity for him to at least learn some tools to fight the temptations
that he will inevitably face. If there
ever was a time for me to trust God, this would be it. One day at a time.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding."
~ Proverbs 3:5
I'm so glad you got to spend time with your son! I know your heart must be soaring over all the changes in his behavior, appearance and attitude. It's a good sign that he is acknowledging the pain he has caused and feels remorse. Even when my son has been sober, he has never really offered an apology for his actions. In fact, he's been very resistant to even talk about his addiction in sober times. I think that was just a sign that he wasn't really ready to be clean. sounds like your boy is in a much better place and has had the wakeup call he needed to turn his life around.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Summer. The visit did my heart good, that's for sure. This is the first time he has ever offered any kind of apology, or even acknowledged that people have been hurt as a result of his past actions. If the rehab can help him stop and think before he acts, that will be a good thing. 3 months ago my son was nowhere close to being ready to get clean. I guess in that sense, his arrest was a good thing.
DeleteYou and your son are in my thoughts and prayers. Good things can happen when we least expect them.
Reading this made me feel happy so glad you enjoyed your time spent with your son. I will be praying for you and your son. I too am trusting God for my son's life.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your thoughts and prayers, Erin. I have to trust that even in those times when things don't make any sense at all that God sees the big picture while I only see my small part of it. He loves our sons even more than we do.
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