“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow; it only saps today of its strength.” A.J. Cronin
One of the character defects that I’m working on is my tendency to worry. Right now things are going well with my son’s rehab. He is working hard on their program and learning a lot about himself and addiction. He’s even taken it upon himself to lead a Bible study with one of the other guys there. Better yet, his counselor approved him for the reintegration program, which would allow him to stay in rehab another 28 days while looking for a job. I don’t think his counselor would have approved him for reintegration if he didn’t think my son is trying hard to learn how to stay clean. We’ll have to talk to his attorney and make sure it’s ok for him to stay for reintegration, but if he approves it, he’ll be able to stay there right up until his court date. The way I look at it, the longer he can stay there, the better.
Here’s the deal though with me. Everything is going well with his rehab, but still I catch myself feeling anxious and worrying about the future. I worry about him finding a temporary job. I worry about whether his car will hold up, as it’s not in very good shape. I worry what will happen to all of the progress he has made if he is sentenced to prison. I just can’t seem to completely stop these thoughts from entering my mind. There is progress in that I am getting better at catching those negative thoughts sooner, and realizing how futile it is to worry. Old habits die hard though. Even when I was a child I was a worrier. I know this sounds neurotic, but I thought that somehow if I worried about something enough I could find a way to keep it from happening. Or, if I couldn’t stop it from happening, I’d be more prepared to deal with it. I know now that I have wasted countless, hours and even days, worrying about the future, and in doing so, I have forfeited any enjoyment I may have had in the present. It’s crazy.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.