Monday, July 30, 2012

Facing our monsters


When my kids were little and would have nightmares, I used “Monster  Spray” to chase away their fears.  Monster Spray was really just an empty bottle of hairspray that I had decorated and labeled.  It usually worked like magic.  A couple of spritzes of Monster Spray under their bed and around their bedrooms chased away all of the scary monsters that stole their sleep.  Now they’ve grown up and their monsters, and mine, are so much bigger than the imaginary creatures that lived under the bed.

            Tomorrow my son starts inpatient rehab.  He will have many monsters to face and try to conquer as he fights a battle for his life against addiction.  I have my own monsters to deal with too.  My monster is fear.  The fear of what will happen as my son fights his battle.  This time I can’t come to his rescue with Monster Spray, nor will it free me from my fear.  Now is the time that I will have to practice “letting go, and letting God” with every ounce of faith I can muster.  I have to accept that I can’t fix him, or save him from his monsters, only he has that power.

            I know many of you  who are reading this have been where I am already, maybe more than once.  You’ve had good experiences and bad experiences.  You’ve survived them all, and that is what gives me hope and courage to face this new path on our journey.  Your stories, and the compassion and understanding you offer are my Monster Spray.  I learn from them all, the good, the bad, and the ugly. 
           
        My life is getting very busy again, as I get my classroom ready for a new group of students, so I may not post as often.  I will be reading your updates daily though, following your journey, and holding you in my thoughts and prayers.
           


8 comments:

  1. We used monster spray too but it was a little of Darlene's perfume mixed with water in a decorated spray bottle. That way the smell was the same as mom.

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  2. Yup, been there with my son.
    After a few month's in-patient rehab and about 8 months sober living, he came out on the other side - against many odds (including heroin and a co-addicted girlfriend).
    I don't know if he's clean, I only believe he is -- he has a job, pays his rent, pretty much takes care of himself. I fear every day that heroin will find him again - or visa-versa.
    I'll pray for your boy that he finds the courage to face his daemons.
    Be well.

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    1. Thanks, Dee. Your story gives me hope, and I can use all of that I can get right now. Bless you.

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  4. I've noticed a shift in your writing lately. You seem to be finding your way into acceptance and coming into a sense of peace about the situation as it is. I know the journey is no easier but seeing you in this new place is really good!

    Thinking of you and your son and praying rehab will be exactly what he needs to get his life back on track and his mind healthy again.


    Summer

    PS: Sorry for the deleted post. Caught a spelling error, lol.

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    1. Thanks, Summer. I'm working on acceptance and trusting God's will, one day at a time-sometimes one moment at a time. I keep giving my son over to God and then taking him back, but I have to remember that it's a process and will take time. Progress, not perfection is a phrase I have to repeat to myself over and over.
      No worries about the deleted post. I've done the same thing myself. I keep you and your son in my daily prayers. Take care.

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