“Worry
never robs tomorrow of its sorrow; it only saps today of its strength.” A.J.
Cronin
One of the
character defects that I’m working on is my tendency to worry. Right now things are going well with my son’s
rehab. He is working hard on their
program and learning a lot about himself and addiction. He’s even taken it upon himself to lead a
Bible study with one of the other guys there.
Better yet, his counselor approved him for the reintegration program,
which would allow him to stay in rehab another 28 days while looking for a job. I don’t think his counselor would have
approved him for reintegration if he didn’t think my son is trying hard to
learn how to stay clean. We’ll have to
talk to his attorney and make sure it’s ok for him to stay for reintegration,
but if he approves it, he’ll be able to stay there right up until his court
date. The way I look at it, the longer
he can stay there, the better.
Here’s the
deal though with me. Everything is going
well with his rehab, but still I catch myself feeling anxious and worrying
about the future. I worry about him
finding a temporary job. I worry about
whether his car will hold up, as it’s not in very good shape. I worry what will happen to all of the
progress he has made if he is sentenced to prison. I just can’t seem to completely stop these
thoughts from entering my mind. There is
progress in that I am getting better at catching those negative thoughts sooner,
and realizing how futile it is to worry.
Old habits die hard though. Even when I was a child I was a
worrier. I know this sounds neurotic,
but I thought that somehow if I worried about something enough I could find a
way to keep it from happening. Or, if I
couldn’t stop it from happening, I’d be more prepared to deal with it. I know now that I have wasted countless,
hours and even days, worrying about the future, and in doing so, I have
forfeited any enjoyment I may have had in the present. It’s crazy.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the
things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
I'm sorry you are finding yourself in this place of constant worry. It's so hard to let go even when we know it's the best thing, the right thing and the only thing we can do. I don't think it sounds neurotic at all! As children of alcoholics, I think we naturally worry more. We could control so few things in our young lives that as we get older we try to compensate for past hurts by keeping our thumb (our fears and anxieties) on everything we can. Life can feel scary for anyone when things aren't on an even keel...for a child of an alcoholic AND a parent of an addict... I think those feelings are magnified to a much greater extent.
ReplyDeleteBut the bright side of this day is that your precious son is doing so great! He's learning so much in rehab, working the program and ministering to others. On the other side of all this you might find you have the next Joel Osteen for a son. You just never know what tomorrow will bring or what God has in store.
I hope the sun is shining brightly in your world today....
Big hugs to you, my friend.
Summer
Thank you, Summer. You made me smile. God bless.
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