Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Another decision to make about rehab


My son’s court appointed attorney’s office called today and said the prosecutor had agreed to court ordered drug rehab.  For one brief moment, my heart soared. I knew my son would have to do prison time, and hoped that the court would order rehab to be included as part of his sentence.  Then, came the left-jab.  In order for him to go to the rehab facility we would have to post bail.  Bail is set at $10,000 so our 10% would be $1000.  They would transport him from the county jail to the rehab, but after he completes rehab, he would not be returned to jail, but would be free until his court date.  That’s what worries me.

            Here are the two arguments that are going on inside of my head right now:


  1.             Don’t post bail:  My fear- he will complete rehab, relapse, miss his court date and not only would we be out $10,000, he would be in worse shape than he is now.
  2.             Go ahead and post bail:  But then I think, if we paid for rehab out of our pocket we would pay at least $10,000 anyway.  I want to feel like I’ve given him every chance at breaking free from his addiction.

            I haven’t talked to my son about the offer for rehab yet.  He wrote in his last letter that he knows he needs rehab and is ready to get clean, but even he thought he would be escorted from the rehab right back to jail. He didn’t know we would have to post bail.  In my worst nightmare it didn’t occur to me that rehab would be offered with this heart-wrenching decision attached.  To post the bail and take the chance, or say “no thanks” and make him stay in jail where he will have no chance of getting any kind of treatment for his addiction.  I hate addiction.  I feel like every decision I make is life or death.  Please pray that God gives me wisdom in making this decision.

12 comments:

  1. As a parent I have seen 100's of thousands of dollars posted and lost..friends family etc have all taken a hit. I learned from them and simply refused to bail him out. It becomes a consequences issue.. I still struggle w/ consequences but this one ( bail ) seems more defined for me, thus easier. Whatever you decide ...as you travel down your recovery road..must allow u to look in the mirror all parents look in should something tragic happen. Then you will ask yourself did I do the right thing? Hopefully you will be able to answer yes! You are a great blogger! thanks for writing! Keep posting NB!

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    1. Thanks for the comment. Good point.

      P.S. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on your blog too. Your sense of humor helps me remember to lighten up when I'm down in the bottom of the pit.

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    2. you are very welcome...humor..a tool that we all should utilize to take the edge off... keep writing!

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  2. My wisdom, which I have acquired on a long journey as the parent of an addict, tells me that I would NOT post bond. He can always go to rehab after he finishes his jail sentence. In my case, too much money has gone to waste trying to do the right thing, which then turned out to be the wrong thing. In any case, do what feels right to you!

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  3. Do you have an attorney that could speak with the judge? Is it possible for your son to stay in jail for a while before bailing him out and sending him to rehab? Would the judge agree to return him to jail after rehab? I ask all these questions because our lawyer was willing to speak to the judge directly and come up with a plan that was agreeable to us as parents. It included rehab, house arrest, drug tests, probation officer, etc. In hindsight - we should have taken the judges advice and left our son in jail longer before paying bail. I always think up the worst case scenario and ask myself if I can live with my choices. That isn't always in my son's best interest. You have tough decisions and I pray that you can feel peace about your decisions. You obviously love your son dearly, so whatever you decide will be based on what you hope serves him best.

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    1. Thank you for your comment, and your thoughts.
      I could make an entire blog entry about speaking with my son's attorney, and someday I probably will. As a court-appointed attorney I'm sure he's overworked and underpaid, but he is very abrupt, and even rude at times when I try to talk to him. Anyway, I did ask him if he could arrange the rehab so that my son would be escorted from jail and back to jail with no "free" time. He is checking into it. My son will be sent to the first facility with an open bed. If the facility is local I won't have to post bail and they will transport him. If it's in Wichita (150 miles away) I'll have to transport him and if so, would have to post bail. I feel the more of his time he can do in county jail, the better, because it will be applied toward his sentence. So, I'm hoping the first bed open is in the local facility.

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  4. These are not easy decisions, but I hope and pray you make the best one. There are no guarantees on how anything will turn out, ever. I wish there were. Tanks for your support the last few days, its helped.

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  5. I understand how difficult it is for you to decide on this matter about your son. The thoughts running through your mind, about possible scenarios that could happen when you pick one, is truly unsettling. But I know you know what would be best for him. And as his mother, you, out of everyone, are the one that could help him recover from his state and finally live his life for the better.
    Buford Embry

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  6. I’ve read through the succeeding posts, and it turns out that everything went well with regard to allowing him to go to rehab in a nearby facility. I hope that this would be the first step to many in helping him recover from his addition completely, so he can live free; not only from a physical jail, but also from the shackles that this addiction has inflicted upon him. Take care!

    Eliseo Weinstein @ JR's Bail Bonds

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