Trying to Find "Me" Again

So, last night I was driving home from an Alanon meeting, feeling better from the loving support I received there.  All of a sudden a Third Day song  “Children of God,” came on the radio.   That song triggered one of the fondest recent memories I have of my son.  About a year ago he and I went to a Third Day concert, and I remembered them playing that song.  As we listened to them sing “Children of God” I looked at my son and reminded him that he, too, is a child of God.  He smiled, that smile I love so much.  The smile that pretty much disappeared from his face as the addiction took over. After hearing the song on the radio I cried the rest of the way home.  When I got home I sat in the car in the garage thinking that I have got to figure out a way to find “me” again.  Just “me,” not the mother-of-an-addict.

            Somehow this constant sadness has to stop. I used to be a pretty happy person who smiled and laughed a lot. It used to take a lot to make me cry.  I keep remembering my oldest daughter telling me that she didn’t want her brother’s addiction to “take the rest of the family down.”  I can’t let that happen.  My mom is my inspiration and has had much pain in her life, my dad’s suicide, my brother and sister’s deaths at a young age.  Through it all she kept a strong faith in God, and somehow managed to keep her sense of humor.  If she can manage to live through all of that and still enjoy life, surely I can too.

            Here’s my plan.  I am going to try my best every day to remind myself to:

·      Pray and trust in God’s goodness
·      Laugh (I have some funny videos saved in my YouTube favorites to help me with this.  The courtroom scene with Jim Carey in the movie “Liar, Liar” does it every time.  The comedian Brian Regan makes me laugh too.)  I want to learn to laugh again.
·      Make someone smile
·      Give a hug
·      Find at least 5 things to be grateful for
·      Go outside and marvel at the beauty of nature
·      Get some exercise (well, ok, maybe not every day on this one, but at least 4-5 days a week)
·      During the school year I will remind my students every day that they are special and important, especially the ones who need to hear it most
·      Meditate (I’ve been doing this lately, and it helps relieve stress)

So, there’s my plan.  Now all I have to do is stick to it.  Remember the children’s story about the little engine who could?  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…………