Why am I discouraged? Why
is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again - my
Savior and my God!
~ Psalm 42:11,
It is said
that addiction is a family disease, and I have to agree. It so deeply affects everyone who loves and
cares about the addict. It’s been a
month since I realized that my son was addicted to meth, and I have spent much
of that month in a deep pit of despair.
But, this is going to be a long journey, and I’m beginning to realize
that I can’t live the rest of my life like this. It’s not fair to the rest of the family.
When I told
my oldest daughter about her brother’s addiction, she cried and made the
comment that she didn’t want him to “take the rest of the family down with
him.” She loves her brother, but was
worried about the affect his addiction was having on me.
So, I am
going to make it a point to count my blessings each day and find things to be
grateful for. Sometimes I lose sight of the fact that my family and I have been richly blessed over and over again. I know counting blessings will be easier some days than others, but I
will take it one day, one hour, one moment at a time and make it through. I look at all of the times God has helped our
family through painful, difficult times and I know how much He loves us. My
youngest daughter had a brain tumor when she was 7, but she defied the odds and
is alive and doing well now because the good Lord led us to the right doctors. I am blessed with a supportive husband, 2 of the
sweetest daughters a mom could ask for, good health, and a career that I
love. And someday, the sweet, smart, good-hearted
son I remember from before the addiction took over will emerge, because I know
he’s still in there. I will never give
up hope. I will praise God in this storm.
You sound like you have a lot of wisdom and good perspective on this horrifying issue of addiction. It can destroy families, I've seen it happen :(
ReplyDeleteThere will be rough days when you have a hard time finding the positive, but on those days you have this blog to let it all out. I wouldn't have survived without my blog during the first few years of my son's addiction. I took that blog down because I am trying to focus on me again, sounds like you have a lot more figured out at this point than I did. I'll add you and your son to my prayer list.
Thanks, Barabara. Any wisdom I have I learned from reading blogs like yours, reading about addiction, Alanon, and prayer........lots of prayer. As you know being the mom of an addict is one of the most stressful things a person can endure. After buckets of tears and countless sleepless nights,I'm just now coming to realize that if I don't somehow manage to change my thinking, the stress is going to kill me. And you're right, I know some days it will be easier than others to focus on the positive, but I have to start somewhere. When I fall into that negative thinking again, I hope I can just pick myself up, dust myself off, and look for something positive. I have to keep reminding myself.....progress, not perfection.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first found out my son was using, I was utterly inconsolable. My spirituality was at a much different level then and as much as I tried to let God carry me, I just couldn't. You are in a much different place than I was then. Your faith will carry you through! As you know, I still struggle daily with the pain and anguish but I do feel stronger than I did then and my eyes have been opened to every miracle God has bestowed upon my son's life. He should have been dead many times over but I have watched God's mercy, protecting him through every wrong choice he has made.
ReplyDeleteYour strength and courage is a testimony to our Heavenly Father and is an encouragement to every life you touch!
When I am at my lowest I try to remind myself that my son's life has purpose and meaning. Long before my son breathed his first breath, God knew him and loved him and wanted a beautiful life for him. God is with all of our kids...whether they want him there or not.
Hugs to you,
Summer
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Thanks, Summer. I definitely give God the credit for any strength I may have. Let me assure you though, that it has been a long journey, one that has been going on much longer than just a month ago when I finally accepted that my son was an addict. I was able to convince myself for the past 10 years, that my son was just an occasional drinker and user, and that he wasn't an addict. In the beginning I was still stumbling along thinking I could deal with things by myself. Oh sure, I would ask God for help, but never really fully let go. I'd let Him have the steering wheel for awhile, but then I kept grabbing it back. I have lessons to learn about trust, and He is using this to teach me. God IS with our sons, and WILL help us all through this.
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