June 4, 2012
I got a phone call last night from my son. The phone call I knew would eventually come if he didn’t get help. He was arrested for manufacturing meth. His car was parked out in the country and somebody thought it was abandoned and called the police. When the police came they found a meth lab in his car. He faces a minimum sentence of 7 years in prison. Even though I was somewhat prepared, the intensity of the pain is so great that I feel as if I might break into a million pieces if one more thing happens. It is a physical pain in my heart, as if a giant hand is squeezing so hard that I can barely breathe. I read a book called “Don’t Let Your Kids Kill You,” and in it the author spoke of that physical pain as being a warning that something needs to change. I know I have to completely rewrite the script I had written about how my son’s life would turn out, and realize that I am not in charge here. The addiction completely took over my son’s life, and I can’t change that. The only thing I can change is my reaction to all of this.
I’m not sure how I will deal with the events as they unfold. All I know is addiction is powerful, but God is more powerful. I know He will help my son, and me, through this. I pray that He will help both my son and myself learn the lessons we are supposed to learn from this, and that they will forever change us and mold us into the people He meant for us to be. I will keep working my Alanon program, and reaching out to people. One thing I have learned through everything that has happened, is that trying to deal with a meth addicted child by myself just isn’t going to work. It’s too much for anyone to bear alone. With God’s help I will continue to count my many blessings and find things to be grateful for every day. As I look back over my life, I see God’s hand all along the way. I see the times He walked beside my children and me, and the times He carried us. We have been through many trials, and have come through stronger on the other side. We will make it through this one too.