Monday, June 18, 2012

The First Jail Visit

Yesterday I was able to visit my son in jail for the first time since his arrest.  It was bittersweet.  It was good to see him again, but not so good to see him behind the big glass window of the jail.  A mother’s first instinct when one of her children is suffering is to hug him right?  I just wanted to be able to hug him, and instead we sat there talking on a crackly phone separated by that big glass window.  He seemed to be handling it ok, although he had to fight off tears a couple times.  Oh, how I wanted to hug him and make his tears go away like I used to when he was younger. 
            There was a glimmer of hope that I left with though.  He is starting to realize the extent of his addiction and knows that he needs help to beat it.  He is going to ask his attorney (if he ever gets to talk to him) if the court can order rehab as part of his sentencing.  He is renewing his relationship with Christ, and is attending the little church service they have there in the jail.  When I feel that anxiety start to build inside of me, I like to picture Jesus right beside my son and they are both surrounded in the bright white light of love.  I ask Jesus to protect him and give him strength, and that helps.  There is a new song out by Casting Crowns called “Jesus Friends of Sinners,” that really speaks to my heart right now.  It reminds me that every one of us has sinned, and made mistakes, but He loves us anyway.  I find great comfort in that.


  1. I am so happy you got to see your son! I feel your pain as you talk about not being able to hug and comfort him but the fact that you came for visiting day was a huge comfort to him, I'm sure. Even through the awful glass, he knows you love him and won't ever give up on him. There is no greater comfort than that.

    I am praying that your hope grows brighter with each new day!


    1. Thank you for those comforting words, and for your prayers.

  2. I’m glad to hear that you got to visit your son in jail. It must be so hard for you to be separated from him and not know what’s happening with him. I hope you he’s in good health. I’m glad that he has started to realize how much his addiction has affected the both of you. I hope that he tries to keep clean when he’s out of jail. Did you ever consider bailing him out?

    + Sterling Easterday